Some honest thoughts about weight

Like most women, I have issues with the way I look, specifically regarding my weight. I look in the mirror and think, "Fat!" I look down at my waist and think, "Ew!" I look at old photos of myself and think, "What happened?" I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, but I think it's time to have a frank conversation about this.

I am chubby. I wasn't thin when I got pregnant and I certainly haven't magically become trim since having him nearly 7 months ago. I hate shopping for clothes and avoid mirrors. In my family, I'm the fat one (though none of them would say so because that's rude). But here's the thing: who cares? Really, what difference does it make in my personality, my relationships, my faith, or my parenting if I could stand to lose a few?

I'll tell you something very honest right now: I wish I was skinny. But guess what? When I was skinny, I was unhappy. The two weren't related, but happened to coincide. So I might be chunky now, but I am so much more comfortable with my inside self that If you made me choose between my skinny self and the state of mind I had at the time and my fat self and the state of mind I have now, I would stay fat. Absolutely and with no regrets.

I hope I get to be a mom of a daughter one day, but if I do, I never want her to see me as seeing myself as fat. What does that do to the psyche of a young girl to constantly hear her mom referring to herself as fat, unhappy, needing to diet? Am I saying that I don't want to instill healthy habits in my kids? Absolutely not. But there's a difference in being healthy and being weight obsessed.

And as to my sons (hopefully I'll get another one of those someday), I'm not so naive as to think boys aren't victims of body image problems. Plus, what values am I telling them to look for in a future mate if I'm obsessed with my waistline?

When I die, I want to be remembered for what I did, how I treated others, my talents and my spirit, not my pants size. And I probably will be. I didn't grow up hearing stories about how skinny my great grandparents were - I heard stories about how funny, kind, and brave they were. So here's to those of us who know we struggle with how we look, but who desire to see ourselves as more, to those of us who want to be remembered for being kind, fun, sympathetic, Christlike, loving, and uplifting and not for always harping on our chins, our waists, our tummies, our thighs, and our booties. After all, we are whole people, with talents, dreams, and fears, not just a body with a pants size.