That's right, darlings, I'm teaching again, so that means more teenage-dom quotes for you to giggle at. Today's selections come from one child. Yes, there are many quotes. No, he never quits talking. Therefore, all these quotes are from him.
After discussing a particularly difficult math concept and trying it out with a problem, he turned to me and said, "Jessica, I feel like you stuck your hand up your butt, fished around up there, pulled it back out, and slapped whatever you found on the paper. And you used it for the answer." So... I take it you don't get the concept yet? (He then proceeded to leave our individualized math lesson to go tell everyone his clever statement.)
One day, he stole his girlfriend's cell phone and was texting on it.
Me: Wait... are you texting yourself with her phone?
Him: Heh heh. I'm sexting myself.
After scaling a wall, someone told him he was going to fall and die. He replied, "Yeah, but I'd make a super sexy dead guy."
When trying to get my attention, this child now yells across the room, "Jessiker!" I asked him why one day. His reply: "The other teacher's name is Hannegan. What kind of a name is Jessica?" Touche.
One day, I walked outside of the classroom to talk to someone on the patio (yes, we have a patio). He, of course, locked the door behind me. When discussing this with him and explaining why this would be a problem and the various consequences of his actions, he indicated his understanding with the following statement: "Yeah, I get it, there's supposed to be an adult and if you can't get back in, that's a problem. But when will you learn, Jessica? I mean, you just left the key in the room." Oh, right. Because this whole situation is my fault.
We had pizza for lunch on Friday. The students requested that I make brownies for everyone, so being me, I jumped at the chance. Mid brownie, this child walked up to me, and we had the following conversation.
Him: Jessica, these brownies are orgasmic.
Me: Interesting. I mean, how does that work? How does food translate into being orgasmic?
Him: Uh... I mean...
His friend: Trust me, we just know.
Me: So... the two of you know about orgasmic, huh?
Both: Aaah! (followed by running away, the perfect comeback)
And this is why I teach junior high. Because there is no end to the hilarity, and this is totally my maturity level.
2 comments:
These are so funny. I wish I was in your class.
I work at a middle school too with the special ed kids, so these oomments are hilarious to me but not surprising in the least bit. I hear things like that on a daily basis:)
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