Letters

Dear dental hygenist,

I get that your job is to insure that my teeth are squeaky clean. 

However, you flossed the living crap out of me. I

can't bite down still, and you flossed me nearly 3 hours ago.

Sheesh, lady, calm it down! Also, thanks for the clean teeth.

Sincerely,

Ouchie Mouth

Dear Mazda 626,

WTF?!? I fix the A/C in you at least once a summer.

You, however, still refuse to work. Not cool.

Sure, I make Deg drive you, but still.

Most vehemently,

Sweaty Face

Dear bed,

I love you, my dearest darling.

Let us run away together.

We shall be deliriously happy together, I promise.

Yours forever,

Madame Groggy

Dear face,

Stop breaking out. We already went through this once.

It was super fun and all the first time, but... nah.

I promise I wash you, so what's up

Truly yours,

Miss Hiding Her Pores

Dear BBC,

Thanks for keeping it real.

Real classic. 

Just the way it needs to be.

Props, yo.

Idubitably,

Lady Watch-a-lot