Day 10

day 10: a letter to the person you hate most or caused you a lot of pain

Dear you,

I'm not going to use your name. Not because I find your name painful, but because on the slight chance that you still read this, it would be mean of me to call you out publicly, and since I've worked hard not to have hard feelings, I don't want to do that. So anyway...

Remember a few years ago when my world revolved around you? I changed my life to fit around yours, and a lot of the changes I made were for the better. I was so head over heels crazy for you. And, at first, you were for me as well. I'm not exactly sure what went wrong, though I think the where was when I asked you to really think through taking a second job because if I was making you a priority, I needed to be a priority to you, too. I think that really pissed you off. I can understand why, but in reality, I had a valid concern, too. I mean, I was pretty much working the rest of my life around you. Did you ever even grocery shop when we were dating? I'm pretty sure that you didn't and that it was just me feeding you. I don't say that bitterly - that's my thing and I don't mind.

The way things ended was killer. That was the worst way to break up with someone ever. Again, I'm not going to write it out because I'm not bitter and I don't want to drag things out. After it ended, I literally fell off of my chair and crumpled onto the floor. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn't breathe. That feeling lasted for days. Luckily, it was a holiday weekend, so I cried myself through a traffic jam in SLC to get home to my mommy so I wouldn't have to be there where you were. I cried myself to sleep for days. And when I got back, I found out you were dating my next door neighbor by seeing you two together. That was like salt to the wound. It took me a long time to be able to eat again.

I thought for awhile you were going to ask me to start over, and though I knew I'd put up a fight, I would have done it. After all, I was in love with you. I had my ring picked out and everything. Time passed and we both moved on.We're both married now, and you have a beautiful child. Seriously, he's adorable. I was bitter for a very long time. Up until recently, it made all those feelings come back to think of you or to see pictures of us in the past. I took some time to consider the situation: I was in love with you, I got my heart broken, but I don't regret it. And, we ended up where we are supposed to be. I love my Deg, and he truly is perfect for me. I have some crazy in me, and he is the best at dealing with that. I wouldn't have my life any other way. I'm not bitter anymore, and I don't harbor any ill feelings any longer. And I've wanted to say that for awhile, so this blog topic was good for me. I have forgiven the hurt, and compared to where I was, largely forgotten it, too. I truly do wish you the best in your life and hope your family continues to grow. You are a wonderful person, and therefore, your wife and child must be, too. Thank you for making me a better person and for giving me the chance to grow. I mean that.

Most sincerely,
Me