A serious post

I've been feeling rather reminiscent lately. It's probably due to the old hard drive I found that has pictures from college that I'd forgotten about. As should be expected, a lot has changed since I started at the Y in the fall of 2003. I've had a lot of life changing experiences and, for the most part, I like who I've become. (I say for the most part because I'm being honest here, and who doesn't have some things about themselves they would like to change?) Let me show you where I started:

Aww... now let me show you where I am now:

Wow... lovely. I've grown facial hair! :)

Anyway, as I've been reflecting on life since the fall of 2003, I've decided that I have some things I need to get off my chest. Things I'm proud of, things I'm still miffed about, things that I need to change, etc. So this post is mainly for me to do that, but I'm feeling like it's something that needs to be done.

1. For those of you who don't know, I deal with anxiety. A lot of what I've learned is because of this. I don't see it as a stumbling block anymore. I see it as an opportunity to grow and an imperfection that actually helps me to be humble and to be more sympathetic of others. I've learned to like who I am, regardless of the fact that I have imperfections and challenges in my life. I've realized that I'm not perfect, that I'm never going to be perfect, and that I'm glad I'm not perfect. How boring would I be if I was? And how many things would I miss out on because I wouldn't have learning and growing opportunities?
2. I've also learned that I don't need to please anyone but me. If it doesn't make me happy, I don't have to do it. I don't have to be friends with people who don't make me happy, and I can be alone and still be happy. I don't need someone else's constant approval to have a sense of worth. I can say no to things and people and situations if I want, and that does not in any way reflect on me as a person.
3. I've learned that life doesn't turn out the way you've planned. As Darci says, "If you wanna hear God laugh, tell him your plans." And life is too short to get hung up on broken dreams. If I live my life in the past in a state of "what if..." I miss out on today. And today holds so many great and wonderful opportunities, challenges, and lessons that I'd really be missing out. It's better to learn to roll with the punches than to try to dodge the ones that have already nailed you.
4. I've learned that no matter how old you get, there are some things that you don't forget and that you can't get rid of. This is good and bad. It's good to remember the good times and good to remember what you learned from challenges and struggles, but it can be painful to remember broken promises and dissolved dreams. While those memories will never leave me, I've learned that I need to accept them for what they are, what I learned, and the good that's come from them. Other than that, there's not a lot of good that can come from them.
5. I've learned about unconditional friendship. There are people I've met who have been what I like to call "5 minute friends." These people are friends with you for a little while, and then, for whatever reason, fade into the background. Then there are the forever friends. They love you no matter what you are or who you are being at the moment. There aren't very many of those that you'll find in your lifetime, but they will always be there and will always love you. It's important to have those people and to be that kind of friend back to them.
6. I've learned that the world does not, as I'd previously thought, revolve around me. Bummer. :) But seriously, I've learned that no one is watching my every move, no one is waiting for me to fail, and no one is expecting perfection out of me. The world doesn't care how I style my hair or how I spend my time. I have to do things for me, and only for me.
7. I've learned about love. I'm not just talking about the incredible love I feel for Deg, which is an amazing experience I could never have imagined. I'm also talking about looking back at people and places and genuinely caring and having strong feelings for those people and places. And I've learned that I have enough love in me to still love my past and to wrap my present in love as well.
8. I've learned that not everyone likes me or gets me. There are people who think I'm strange and weird and inconsiderate and I'm sure a plethora of other things. I've learned that it's okay if they don't. At the end of the day, all I can do is be myself and love who I am. Whether or not that translates isn't something I can control, so I can't waste my time worrying about it.
9. I've learned that I am a good person with lots to offer and who can make a difference in others' lives. I've learned to take my unique talents, gifts, and abilities and to let them shine. I've learned that by doing that, by being me, I am more the person I want to be than when I try to be that person. And that's awesome.