Bestie Snippets

Cadence came over today and we ranted and vented about work before spiraling to who knows what kind of a conversation. Here are some of the gems from our conversations (and no, I will not give you the context)

* Feminism is like this: I don't have to have balls, but I don't have to have babies either.
* What, like those industrial sized rolls of toilet paper from Costco will save you now?
* I guess that'd be our own form of polygamy, but we'd be trying to be righteous.
* The computer would go in the front room. Yeah, and we'd go in the back with a bunch of shoes.
* I'm having a postmodern moment here.
* That's why I'm scared to have children! I mean, what if I was the one who raised the idiot?
* Yeah, again, how do you lose your own pants?
* Your secret is also my secret.
* How old is he? 60? 4? Is there a difference?
* You may call me "sir".
* Which son, the legitimate one, or his one from the many mistresses?
* You know me so well. Sparkly things make it all better.
* I don't even talk to mine.
* The one with the huge boobs?
* But he's a... a... democrat (fake gasp of horror).
* It makes me mad for two reasons. The one that comes to mind now is that he never gets a double chin from it.
* Edward! (fake swooning across the living room).
* Isn't that, like, the grossest state in the nation? Why would you choose to live somewhere so damp?
* When she dropped the butter tray on her toe, her toe shattered, and she just said, "Oh shit" and started to giggle.
* Be your three year old self!
* Does that make me a terrible person? Yes. Is it okay that I'm okay with being a terrible person then?
* You'd have to be some large Russian woman named Helga, with huge braids wrapped around your head.
* Didn't Blacks get the right to vote before we did?
* And that is between me and my uterus, thank you.
* I just saved your carpet.
* He survived on peels, you know.
* Didn't he have a wooden eye? No, teeth.
* And then I yelled, "Get crunk!"
* She wrote you a letter saying she doesn't like oranges. You can't do anything about it.
* It was like she was getting groped by an albino!
* It's not a good nap if you use it as an escape.
* I got all dressed up just for this.
* That's why my mom named my brother after him.
* He had their death masks in his office.
* And that's when he texted you.
* I take my materials into the bathroom with me all the time!

Confused? Awesome, because that's only a small snippet of what talking to the two of us is like.