Dr. Canker, MD

So earlier (like a year ago or so), I mentioned that I suffer from chronic canker sores. I always get them in the same spots: next to my lip on the right top corner or on the bottom next to my eye teeth on both sides. They usually end up somewhere between larger than an eraser but smaller than a dime. Fun! Well, it has recently gotten better. I have one in my throat. Yes, my throat. In case you're wondering, it IS as painful as it sounds. Sigh. Woe is me. Well, because I have this century's version of the black plague, I've decided to share my canker tips (thanks to many pharmacists, friends, and websites) so that if, for some reason, YOU ever end up with the plague (or even a singular canker that hurts), you have some semi-researched tips on how to deal.

1. Lysene: my cousin turned me on to this once-daily vitamin. The label says it's for hair and skin, and I don't know what's in it that makes cankers less present, but it works. Her pharmacist told her it would work, and she told me, and that has certainly cut back on my canker issues.

2. Chloraseptic spray: the throat canker called for drastic measures. I had to get some surface pain reliever on it, and there's no way I was going to stick anything down my throat. Solution: cloraseptic. It doesn't cure the problem, but it cuts the pain, and when you are having as much fun as I am with cankers, you take the pain cut.

3. Orajel/Kank-a: these over-the-counter wipe-on pain relievers only work for so long (especially if you're talking or chewing), but let's be honest. Some mouth numbing is in demand and is very helpful.

4. Valtrex: I know it's a herpes medication. I know what it's usually used for. However, when I was in the throws with the plague, my doctor prescribed these lovely, large blue pills that made healing time much quicker. They did make me a bit dizzy at times, so I don't take them anymore, but when I needed to get them under control (aka went 4 months without being free of cankers), it sure helped.

5. Salt pour: for little, handleable cankers, there's nothing like salt to dry them out. It hurts like hell, sure, but if it makes them go away, I'm game. I used to pour strait salt onto them and then scream until my eyes watered (about 4 seconds) and wash it off. The pain of the salt quickly went away, and in its absence, the canker pain was nothing. If they are little cankers, this'll dry 'em up and get rid of 'em in no time. If you can't handle a strait salt pour, there's always a warm salt water gargle. That can sometimes help, too, and you don't have to suffer quite as badly.

6: Lydocaine: this prescription mouthwash is a lifesaver. It'll numb anything, and I mean anything. I've used it on sores other than cankers (doctor's recommendation only, of course), and it's brilliant. You have to mix it with water before you gargle, but it's a wonderful painkiller.

7. SLS-Free Toothpaste: SLS, also known as sodium lauryl sulfate, is a common ingredientin most toothpastes and mouthwashes. It is an abrasive that irritates some people to no end. Sometimes, getting rid of SLS is all you need to quit the canker habit. Read labels to see if the ingredient is present - just because it is "organic? doesn't mean it is SLS free.

8. Ice: the old Mom-treatment does help. Putting ice on the sore will make it hurt at first, but it will numb the nerve endings, helping to alleviate pain.

A few thoughts:
Cankers, while caused most of the time by trauma (biting your lip, braces, bumping your mouth, etc) can be caused by many other factors. For example, my chronic cankers are a result of a combined genetic predisposition and a herpes infection. You can get herpes in your mouth, not just, ahem, you-know-where. In fact, you can get herpes lots of places: stomach, eyes, mouth, you-know-where, etc. Don't knock it - I didn't ask to be infected! Some people think herpes of the mouth is only cold sores, but chronic cankers can be from herpes, too. Cankers can also be brought on by illness or stress. Many people, when experiencing great deals of stress, will have an in-mouth breakout. While you might think that is preferable to the acne breakout ("you can't even see it!"), I'd rather have a face-full of acne - way less painful.

And so, my readers, I leave you with this thought: while I know you are most likely totally grossed out by the topic at hand, just you wait. Next time you have an out-of-control canker to deal with, you'll be searching my blog for these nifty tips and tricks! Happy mouth-ing!